Like Clay
By Daryl Tan
My name is Daryl and I am 30 this year. I have been suffering from bipolar for 12 years and I have been admitted more than five times since I was first diagnosed. For my last two relapses I was so unwell that I had to stay about a month in High Dependency Ward plus undergo Electro Convulsive Treatment (ECT).
Since my last admission, I underwent rehabilitation in the Institute of Mental Health (IMH) for nine months at OCTAVE – Occupational Therapy: Activities, Vocation and Empowerment. Currently I am in Club Heal as a peer. I learn that to recover both clinical and hands-on therapy is important.
For me, knowledge has to be put into action, but most important don’t pressure yourself. Recovery is at a different pace for everyone, make friends, have fun, enjoy the process, the journey. Some people undergo rehab for nine months and there is still no improvement, sometimes it’s not the destination but the process we go through. Although we can’t see the changes in the person it doesn’t mean that there is no progress.
My recovery progress is just like clay. We may be broken, damaged and hurt but when we are soaked into water we become reusable clay, our lives might not be the same, and we are not looking to live a life when we were well, but we can create a new life, live a new kind of life. An example is taking medication and recovering over time. Medicine is like water and we need time to dissolve it. Time can even move mountains, and sometimes it may be just time that heals. Feeling loved and encouraged can contribute as a major healing factor.
Clay can harden or soften, just like us sometimes we can be feeling well or unwell. But with water or just leaving it to dry is like knowing our coping strategies, social support, lifestyle and medication. I’m not trying to imply soft clay means being unwell, but the potter knows how to mould you in whatever the condition you are in. Remember we are the clay, how we turn out would be how skilful our potter is.
Best of all we can take the shape of whatever we want to be. We can be a new creation in life. That is resilience. We have a potter, the potter can be God, our caregiver, professionals and even friends. Like clay, we need to be pressed on, to be rolled on, by people, medication, moisture and time. We can add colours, show our personality and also we apply a glaze, to make us shine. We strengthen ourselves by baking in the oven, going through stressors and life events like getting a new job, getting married, having children, new responsibilities, or grieving over the death of a loved one.
When we are confident, we can take a form of a leaf, be moulded into the shape of a leaf and be beautiful like nature.
Challenging mind sets, embracing ourselves, our disabilities. Challenge the stigma, it begins with you.
Speech by Daryl Tan at opening of Club HEAL@Marsiling on 23 Apr 2016
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And Ever After
By Aneez Fathima
Fate played cruelly
Decisions turned foolishly
Misfortunes came jointly
Love altered blindly
Life vanished cowardly
Words became scanty
World eyed suspiciously
Unjust words wounded venomously
Desires diminished sentimentally
Feeling crushed deadly
Emotions burnt heavily
Enemies laughed heartlessly
Past weighed pessimistically
Faced all situations courageously
Loneliness becomes lovely
Books beckon friendly
Friends help wholeheartedly
Future brightens optimistically
Family pacifies lovingly
Time flies rapidly
Prayers strengthen completely
Hereafter urges enthusiastically
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Whom Do We Serve?
By Yohanna Abdullah
Whom do we serve?
Lip service on a platter
Do you serve yourself or the other?
Your promises undelivered
You serve none
The ones you think will benefit
From your wisdom
Are no wiser In the end
The curtains fall
Silence
There is no applause
Serve yourself by all means
You are here to earn a living
But serve your client, caregiver and community
In that order
The client is king
We exist to support him in recovery
For him to heal he needs his family
Supportive, loving and kind
And acceptance and respect from the community
Whom do you serve?
Sincerely is it for the sake of God
To whom we owe our existence?
If everything we do have a reason, mission and vision
Whom do we serve?
Originally written for Club HEAL Staff Retreat on 10 Jan 2016
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River
By Sumaiyah Mohamed
Number one: Do not fight – not even the tears that spring from fears unfounded, crying without knowing its root cause … chaos cacophony – you feel like a cockadoodledoo but you should not protest, though every pore in the body seems to burn you – no, actually you do not even feel the pain you just cannot seem to refrain from this endless choo choo train of thoughts so true to you and they go on and lead to what ifs about future absolute failures … How do I make my thoughts stop?
Number two: Do not make this seem like agony, because you must think this is an exaggeration you do don’t you I think you do why do you think so I think you think I think I am thinking a bit too much of myself … Help?
Number three: Let these circles of cognitive thunderclouds float you by and wait until it passes in full, not forced under the carpets of your heart, forgotten until it overflows, causing you to later flail and then you die. Now there is pain but you will not die. There is screaming but you will try to be silent.
Number four: Look around you nobody likes anybody all the time but witness the grapes and apples and gerberas your beloved hand-holders have brought to help you be the girl that you were, are, will be.
Number five: Observe how you will heal with your quiet thoughts – you will learn to deal with your many faults and then your swollen eyes will unclose and you will speak because the lump in the throat has disappeared, and you can say, “There is a river in me”.
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A Slice of Madness by Yohanna Abdullah
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..….On the creativity of those with mental illnesses
“The most beautiful things are those that are whispered by madness and written down by reason. We must steer a course between the two, close to madness in our dreams, but close to reason in our writing.” André Gide
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Bleeding Hearts
By Yohanna Abdullah
You hold my hand
Which wields a rose
Red, scintillating
The thorn seeks blood
That gushes through the wound
Beautiful bleeding hearts
Yours is Mine
11.2.14
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CONTEMPLATION
By Yohanna Abdullah
You came into my life
Like a soothing breeze
I am buoyed by your Love
All Gracious, all Merciful
Your Touch caresses me inside out
I am a vessel filled with your Spirit
The Exalted, All-Mighty is your name
Forgive me when I forget
The Creator no less
The reason for me breathing
For the sun shining
For the birds chirping
I don’t want ever to forget
That I needn’t look far to feel You
For You are closer to me than my jugular vein
In contemplating my journey
I find You
13.1.14
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“Friendship symbolises the greenery of a leaf. It withers if there is no nurturing and showering of love.” – Azlinda, a Club HEAL participant
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“You can start over after a fall. Allah gives us these difficulties sometimes to make us realise our strength and through adversity and how blessed we are with loved ones there to support us with each step of the way. It is like a process of removing rust, we have to get scrubbed, in order to be clean, to be a better version of ourselves, to lead a more purposeful life thereafter.’ – A 24-year old sister who recovered well from schizophrenia
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Rant of the Mentally Blessed – by Lubna Shah
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Yohanna shares her experience…Coping_with_Bipolar_Disorder
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Read how Sarah overcomes phobia and depression one day at a time
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Read about the experience of a caregiver A Pillar of Strength
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Read a personal account of an individual who has 14 personalities in her, in a rare condition known as Dissociative Identity Disorder
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Read about how Anna copes with depression Depressed
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Learn more About ADHD
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Poems by members of the club HEAL family …Poems with special S’s
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Read an enriching account of a Club Heal Participant-cum-Volunteer during a home visit she went with Dr Radiah Salim and Ms Hamidah Bahashwan — Facing A Wall of Denial
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“Love”
The world is small
There’s not much space
Don’t build walls
In this limited place
You’ll be amazed
When the wall is erased
Love will roam free
Like the wind in the breeze
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Yohanna – on Club HEAL
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